today, i went to the fabric store to find kakhi, navy blue, and black twill to make my son some shorts that fall into the school's new "standardized dress code....we had purchsed his clothes gradually over the summer, with the idea that we would not have to fight the crowds and we would be ready before school started....I even purchased clothes bigger in order to anticipate his normal summer growth spurt....
But of course, his growth spurt this summer outwitted me...he skipped a size this summer....so all of the short i bought him do not fit at all....at alll...
it is amazing to think about it...For so long he was the runt....the smallest kid..but he has caught up and seems to be right on track finally....he has gotten so much healthier lately and i think part of it has to do with him not feeling stressed out or worrie and feeling happier on top of being healthier this summer....much healthier this summer....thank you god!
But, now, a few days before school starts, and there are very few pants and shorts to be had....not to mention that he hat button up shorts or trying things on...so, i will be sewing elastic waisted shorts fo rhim so he won' thave to stress over it....and when it gets cooler...elastic wasted pants...these are still ok with first graders....of course when he gets older, he won't want me to make him shorts...but who knows...he might just so he won't have to wear a belt....
but as i was paying for the fabric, the cashier's face lit up and she started talking to me like she knew me well....she had helped me about a month ago when i went and bought a bunch of fabric...i thought that was why she remembered me...
she said, " youknow why i remmeber you don't you?"
" because i bought so much fabric?"
" well that too...but , really it is your necklace...."
i was wearing my paper bead necklace that i made last spring in my art class with my students...really it is a group of necklaces made of paper beads...and i love it....i wear it all the time...the cheapest necklace i have ever had, but my very very favorite...and i hope to make more....
i had no idea anyone even noticed me or my necklace....but she did...and it made her smile...i dhould make her one for herself....just to look at if nothing else....
Saturday, August 25, 2007
where do you show your work?
this was asked to me yesterday by a coworker...he has never seen my work, that iknow of...maybe he has....he cleans my classroom...so i dunno...maybe...
But, I told him i didn't show it anywhere...he looked at my like " why not?"
And i hung my head embarassed....i don't really know of one reason....While i would absolutely adore the chance...and drool of the chance in teh future....my stomach gets in knots just thinking abotu submitting work somewhere...to be judged or denied....so, i dunno....
But, I told him i didn't show it anywhere...he looked at my like " why not?"
And i hung my head embarassed....i don't really know of one reason....While i would absolutely adore the chance...and drool of the chance in teh future....my stomach gets in knots just thinking abotu submitting work somewhere...to be judged or denied....so, i dunno....
Thursday, August 23, 2007
striving for originality
as an artist, for me, i get bogged down at times....
There are times when i really enjoy looking at all of the work that is published...and thenthere are time when i get tired of seeing the same artists over and voer and over again and the same techiniques....
And then there are times when i ask myself...."what about me? where do i fit in?"
There was a time when i was excited about artist cards and reliqueries...and little houses...things ihad seen in the magazines...things i still enjoy looking at....but it all starts to look the same after a while...and i think i have gotten to to a point where i just have to stop looking for inspiration in techniques and come up with my own aesthetic,...which i already have....and forget at times....
so, i have deicded to limit myself on looking at other artists work for a while...i am just at a point where it isn't filling me with joy or inspiration anymore....at least for the time being...
I am going to try and just focus on my own work...and give myself a goo dkick in the bootie....
There are times when i really enjoy looking at all of the work that is published...and thenthere are time when i get tired of seeing the same artists over and voer and over again and the same techiniques....
And then there are times when i ask myself...."what about me? where do i fit in?"
There was a time when i was excited about artist cards and reliqueries...and little houses...things ihad seen in the magazines...things i still enjoy looking at....but it all starts to look the same after a while...and i think i have gotten to to a point where i just have to stop looking for inspiration in techniques and come up with my own aesthetic,...which i already have....and forget at times....
so, i have deicded to limit myself on looking at other artists work for a while...i am just at a point where it isn't filling me with joy or inspiration anymore....at least for the time being...
I am going to try and just focus on my own work...and give myself a goo dkick in the bootie....
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
quotes i snagged from Ornamental
I saw thes quotes on Ornamental today and knew i had to have them for my own...these are things i need to remember when i feel the weirdest and hardest on myself.....
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt
“Go confidently in the direction of our dreams! Live the life you've imagined.”
—Henry David Thoreau
“We've removed the ceiling above our dreams. There are no more impossible dreams.”
—Jesse Louis Jackson
“All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.”
—Walt Disney
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
—Eleanor Roosevelt
“Go confidently in the direction of our dreams! Live the life you've imagined.”
—Henry David Thoreau
“We've removed the ceiling above our dreams. There are no more impossible dreams.”
—Jesse Louis Jackson
“All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.”
—Walt Disney
Monday, August 20, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
my comfort zone
i have found that i don't do well with the whole "entering an art competition" gig....Every onth or so i buy Art Calender and highlight the contests i want to enter...usually getting sidetracked by the themes and the deadlines...i have yet to enter a contest...even though i fool myself into think i will....I am the type of person who has to know that i can submit work that i want to do when i am ready...i ahve to know that there is an outlet....I think I have found such a situation....and now i just have to get off my tookus and convice myself that i can do it....i can do it prolificly....I have also been looking at other artists' posted pics of their work areas....not those cleaned up, organized ones that are posted after they straighted up for the pic...but the REAL ones...those that show the 5 x 5 space they have carved out for themselves in their bedrooms and surrounded themselves with supplies so they can work in a 15x 15 inch square on their work table and make no apologies for their creatively cluttered organized chaos....those are the pics i draw energy from and comfort in know that i am not alone and that i am normal and do not have to feel guilty for my disarray in my supplies...I feel like i am moving my supplies around this little apartment constantly, trying to find my "spot" my place to just spread out and not feel like i am going to get paint on my nice clothes or bump my foot into a wood sheet, or hit the door with a new canvas....I have decided that i am supposed to work smaller...that is the room i have...small...and people liek small works too....not to mention that i can get more done that way....so, I am finding my zone...coming to terms with my reality as an artist....
Things to do to get self focussed
my comfort zone
i have found that i don't do well with the whole "entering an art competition" gig....Every onth or so i buy Art Calender and highlight the contests i want to enter...usually getting sidetracked by the themes and the deadlines...i have yet to enter a contest...even though i fool myself into think i will....I am the type of person who has to know that i can submit work that i want to do when i am ready...i ahve to know that there is an outlet....I think I have found such a situation....and now i just have to get off my tookus and convice myself that i can do it....i can do it prolificly....I have also been looking at other artists' posted pics of their work areas....not those cleaned up, organized ones that are posted after they straighted up for the pic...but the REAL ones...those that show the 5 x 5 space they have carved out for themselves in their bedrooms and surrounded themselves with supplies so they can work in a 15x 15 inch square on their work table and make no apologies for their creatively cluttered organized chaos....those are the pics i draw energy from and comfort in know that i am not alone and that i am normal and do not have to feel guilty for my disarray in my supplies...I feel like i am moving my supplies around this little apartment constantly, trying to find my "spot" my place to just spread out and not feel like i am going to get paint on my nice clothes or bump my foot into a wood sheet, or hit the door with a new canvas....I have decided that i am supposed to work smaller...that is the room i have...small...and people liek small works too....not to mention that i can get more done that way....so, I am finding my zone...coming to terms with my reality as an artist....
Things to do to get self focussed
go ahead and subscribe to art magazines i look for every month anyway:Somerset studio, Altered Couture, Art calender
Make the altered shoes, purse, and apron that i have been wanting to make for a while.
Submit altered clothing to magazine's open call.
Create 'houses' that i ahve been dreaming about.
Create collages that i have been dreaming about
Upload pics to blog
go to Dallas Art Dealers Open gallery walk in september
Send works to open calls.....
Do all of the above by october
What holds me back?
As an artist, i just want to dream and create, but often i get in my own way.mentally i guilt myself into a corner...with " i should be doing this...or that."I have been viewing other artist's blogs and feel sheer inspiration....and then here is that snking feeling that carries the questions:"why aren't i doing that? What is stopping me? What am afraid of?"Fear of faillurefear of falling on my faceFear of letting people down and that quiet dismissal that comes when you tried for first place, but didn't even get an honorable mention....that is the worst....and then there are the comparisons to others, the feelings of self worth and the struggle to stay above the water....and maybe it is my 35th birthday coming again....but i just thought I would have more done by now....or maybe i just thought this was when it was supposed to start....I am an art teacher.... this is my stability....the rest should be cake...there should be no fear...there should be only chances...because when i think about it like that...there really is nothing to lose....i should just go for it again... start entering shows again, submitting to my favorite art magazines, and just see what happens...pepper the art world with my presence and proclaim myself again.....I think i am ready....
Thursday, August 16, 2007
when i woke up
monday, when i got up, i found this on the round table where kiddo and i sit on the flor and draw...(explanation for the crayon and paint on the table)
Kiddo had found my bag of clothes pins i was saving for my classroom to hang up artowrk...he decided they looked like something he could really use to make things with...and did....this was just the first thing he created....the sun....after that he took them apart and used them to create his own version of a back scratcher, people, and various other sculptures....who needs expensive toys....just give the kids clothes pins!
in this barn
in this barn as we passed it, the entire things was full of white cattle and white tick birds...it was remarkable...i was so taken aback that i forgot to snap the shot....but the image is burned in my mind...they were hot too that day....it was 100 degrees outside, and even the cows and birds went for shelter from the texas sun....smart cows....
rice cylos
something about the shapes of these cylos is calling me....and their grouping ....it is just intriguing to me....i know they are there to serve a purpose....but it is so much more than that....they are more than mechanical....more than metallic...they are people.....
pattern and repetition
i love repetition and patterns in visual matters...today while getting my truck repaired, i just kept staring at the wracks of tires...look at those treads....i just want to roll some paint on them and roll them across a floor or canvas....they look like wedding cakes, i mean how beautiful are those line patterns?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
heritage house
kiddo and i happened upone this historical home in the middle of a metropolitan area...it is a historical home, farm from the 1800's...and has been walled off on all sides....you might even notice it...well you wouldn't if no one pointed it out for you....i love that i could walk around this farm and feel like i was immediately back in my grandmother's back yard...the pecan trees the garden, the barn and chickens....yep...it ws just like when i was a child....i do miss those days....
Sunday, August 12, 2007
conversations with dad
on the trip to the coast i rode with my dad...The kiddo went with my momin another car....the drive was really short...4 hours...it usually feels like 6....because kiddo talks so much...this trip, i got to actually look out the windows, take pictures along the way...dad even stopped on top of the bridge at the intercoastl highway......he was supporting my art.....onw of our conversttions was about artists...He brought it up...
he brought up a texas artist whose work is oftenmade of wood and has black eyes on it....i took my mother to meet this artist once whenhe exhibited at my school...and my dad saw his work at the same school in a different occassion....
My father said....something to the affect of..." i don't get it why his works sells....it looks like something I could do....like something anybody could do...."
We then began our conversation about building up a "hype" about yourself...and selling not only your work...but building a followingbased on "your story"....i have seen this happen alot....
and i admitted...that I am not good at that part of the art world....I am not a shcmoozer....i have no social skills for such a thing...
Not to mention that i live in a artless town.....there is no outlet....i have to make those openings...and i am not comfortable with selling myself...i never have been...nor have i ever been comfortable with the attention or pats of the back for skills.....i feel complete and utter embarassment....and anxietty....weirdness i know....
dad then went on to say that he truly belived that alot of successful artists were also crazy....Van gogh painted the way he did because that is how he really saw it...i see his point....
There is definately a link to eccentricity to those who are truly successful or remembered..depending on your idea of success i suppose...
I'm not sure exactly how i feel about all fo that...but, i do know...i love being able to talk about these things with my father....
Often if eel like i am in my own little club....and they are in theirs...the hunting and fishing club...not something i am a part of...or ever have been....this one conversation was just a nice inlcusion for me... a gentle hug and a reminder of those moments i hung on to as a child to relate to being an artist....
he brought up a texas artist whose work is oftenmade of wood and has black eyes on it....i took my mother to meet this artist once whenhe exhibited at my school...and my dad saw his work at the same school in a different occassion....
My father said....something to the affect of..." i don't get it why his works sells....it looks like something I could do....like something anybody could do...."
We then began our conversation about building up a "hype" about yourself...and selling not only your work...but building a followingbased on "your story"....i have seen this happen alot....
and i admitted...that I am not good at that part of the art world....I am not a shcmoozer....i have no social skills for such a thing...
Not to mention that i live in a artless town.....there is no outlet....i have to make those openings...and i am not comfortable with selling myself...i never have been...nor have i ever been comfortable with the attention or pats of the back for skills.....i feel complete and utter embarassment....and anxietty....weirdness i know....
dad then went on to say that he truly belived that alot of successful artists were also crazy....Van gogh painted the way he did because that is how he really saw it...i see his point....
There is definately a link to eccentricity to those who are truly successful or remembered..depending on your idea of success i suppose...
I'm not sure exactly how i feel about all fo that...but, i do know...i love being able to talk about these things with my father....
Often if eel like i am in my own little club....and they are in theirs...the hunting and fishing club...not something i am a part of...or ever have been....this one conversation was just a nice inlcusion for me... a gentle hug and a reminder of those moments i hung on to as a child to relate to being an artist....
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Overwhelming lack of focus
I just did what i have done before...got wrapped up in a whirlwind of possible shows to enter, galleries to pursue, shows to pitch....this should be a good thing...but, what gnerally happens, is that even though i am pursuing venues to display my artwork,i get the information i make plans...the truth is that it i just TOO MUCH...too much to deal with....I have to come to reality about this...
There was a time, when it was JUST me that i ahd all the free time in the world...all the silence in the world tofocus and accomplish....but, these days...I am too easily distracted by REAL life....The pitter patter of little feet, the realities that are relationships and family....things that are next to impossible to forego in order to pursue 5 shows at once....
I say this not out of frustrationg with the beuaty of love and friendship andfamily i have....i say this in trying to bring myself to reality...in order to not completely oerload my circuits and let something important go by the wayside...
I have to re-learn my abilities...the amount of pressure i can handle in thsi area...a way to balance all of my loves...
I have to learn balance...to pick and choose my battles wisely...to pick andchoose my opportunities wisely...to hone it down.... to figure out my approach... so that I can hang out with my child and at the same time launch an art campaign and PR....it is a tight-rope walk....
There was a time, when it was JUST me that i ahd all the free time in the world...all the silence in the world tofocus and accomplish....but, these days...I am too easily distracted by REAL life....The pitter patter of little feet, the realities that are relationships and family....things that are next to impossible to forego in order to pursue 5 shows at once....
I say this not out of frustrationg with the beuaty of love and friendship andfamily i have....i say this in trying to bring myself to reality...in order to not completely oerload my circuits and let something important go by the wayside...
I have to re-learn my abilities...the amount of pressure i can handle in thsi area...a way to balance all of my loves...
I have to learn balance...to pick and choose my battles wisely...to pick andchoose my opportunities wisely...to hone it down.... to figure out my approach... so that I can hang out with my child and at the same time launch an art campaign and PR....it is a tight-rope walk....
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
not really a post about vacation
I have not packed.....Not sure why, but i haven't really really felt that anxietty induced urge to organize my crap....
Not even right now, when i type this...hmmmmm weird....
Next week, not only will it be family vacation week, but it will be my SIL's birthday, and then my mother's birthday is this month an dmy brother's...
yesterday was my two year divorce anniversay and my brother and SIL's 11th wedding anniversay...August is an event packed month....weird...
And up to a few days ago i thought it was LL's birthday too...lol..but that was in july...(slapping my forehead...)
normally, i would have stressed over getting gifts together, packing the minutia of crap we will need into tubs and all the other business...this time, not so much...
I haven't even gone and had my nails done...which dearly need a makeover...and i am hesitant to go tomorrow,because sunday is the day after the nail techs go clubbing at the only place that is open on sunday....that means crazy nails and pain....and having to listen to them rehash the night's craziness....ugh not fun...plus they are still hung over...yikes...not good tohave your nails done by someone still seeing double....
i just want to sew.....I havebeen sewing the last few weekends, and i realized how much i have missed it...i love it...and hopefully i will make it a regular part of my life again....i have purchased several patterns i hope to whip into actuality....and have found more for boys clothing that are very cute and not 'homemade' looking...that is the trouble with boys clothes and sewing...there aren't very many available patterns that can be whipped out and turned into something special without looking too cutesy wootsey...kiddo is out of that stage....it is all boy now....
as i have cut and pinned adn sewed and reloaded bobbins, i remembered why i loved my sewing class in high school...and i remembered my grandmothers, one making patterns on her onw, the other hand sewing and making quilts....both showing me how to hand sew, crochet, and create from scratch, things they HAD to do...things i WANT to do...
I have already started a scrap bin...one in which i wil lstockile my "strings" to eventually make my own sort of crazy quilt....and hopefully one day, either have a duvet that i have made myself and be proud of, or a new blanky for kiddo....I have dreams of taking his outgrown clothes and scrapping them for the same things....it is lovely to dream...dream dream dream....
I have taken clothes i have bought and revamped a few items..making necesary adjustments...and revamped a pattern to work for me and not for the model on the package that is not like me at all...
This is creativity, the kind that i grew up with, the kind of homegrown creativity that seems to be dying in our culture....i know so few people who sew...in today's ready -made clothing society, handmade clothing is such a thing of the past, it seems.....or at least from what i can tell...most of the people iknow who do sew are into making purses or applique on those fuzzy blankets or towels....
where did the home sewers go? Where are they in my commuity?
How wil i make this a part of my own artwork?
These are the questions i have been asking myself lately....back in college i took an arthistory class that required me to find a curent event about art today...it ws not easy...without the help of theinternet, there wasn't much in our local publications...but i finally came across some artists who were incorporating the craft skills they grew up with into their fine arts....i fell in love with the idea, but felt like i could not do this if i wanted to get and "a" in my studio classes....i wanted the "a"....
But, now, i feel hopeful that i am at a place inmy life where i feel hopeful and confident in this incorporation.....i like that.....and i just want to immerse myself in it...
not really a post about vacation
I have not packed.....Not sure why, but i haven't really really felt that anxietty induced urge to organize my crap....
Not even right now, when i type this...hmmmmm weird....
Next week, not only will it be family vacation week, but it will be my SIL's birthday, and then my mother's birthday is this month an dmy brother's...
yesterday was my two year divorce anniversay and my brother and SIL's 11th wedding anniversay...August is an event packed month....weird...
And up to a few days ago i thought it was LL's birthday too...lol..but that was in july...(slapping my forehead...)
normally, i would have stressed over getting gifts together, packing the minutia of crap we will need into tubs and all the other business...this time, not so much...
I haven't even gone and had my nails done...which dearly need a makeover...and i am hesitant to go tomorrow,because sunday is the day after the nail techs go clubbing at the only place that is open on sunday....that means crazy nails and pain....and having to listen to them rehash the night's craziness....ugh not fun...plus they are still hung over...yikes...not good tohave your nails done by someone still seeing double....
i just want to sew.....I havebeen sewing the last few weekends, and i realized how much i have missed it...i love it...and hopefully i will make it a regular part of my life again....i have purchased several patterns i hope to whip into actuality....and have found more for boys clothing that are very cute and not 'homemade' looking...that is the trouble with boys clothes and sewing...there aren't very many available patterns that can be whipped out and turned into something special without looking too cutesy wootsey...kiddo is out of that stage....it is all boy now....
as i have cut and pinned adn sewed and reloaded bobbins, i remembered why i loved my sewing class in high school...and i remembered my grandmothers, one making patterns on her onw, the other hand sewing and making quilts....both showing me how to hand sew, crochet, and create from scratch, things they HAD to do...things i WANT to do...
I have already started a scrap bin...one in which i wil lstockile my "strings" to eventually make my own sort of crazy quilt....and hopefully one day, either have a duvet that i have made myself and be proud of, or a new blanky for kiddo....I have dreams of taking his outgrown clothes and scrapping them for the same things....it is lovely to dream...dream dream dream....
I have taken clothes i have bought and revamped a few items..making necesary adjustments...and revamped a pattern to work for me and not for the model on the package that is not like me at all...
This is creativity, the kind that i grew up with, the kind of homegrown creativity that seems to be dying in our culture....i know so few people who sew...in today's ready -made clothing society, handmade clothing is such a thing of the past, it seems.....or at least from what i can tell...most of the people iknow who do sew are into making purses or applique on those fuzzy blankets or towels....
where did the home sewers go? Where are they in my commuity?
How wil i make this a part of my own artwork?
These are the questions i have been asking myself lately....back in college i took an arthistory class that required me to find a curent event about art today...it ws not easy...without the help of theinternet, there wasn't much in our local publications...but i finally came across some artists who were incorporating the craft skills they grew up with into their fine arts....i fell in love with the idea, but felt like i could not do this if i wanted to get and "a" in my studio classes....i wanted the "a"....
But, now, i feel hopeful that i am at a place inmy life where i feel hopeful and confident in this incorporation.....i like that.....and i just want to immerse myself in it...
Friday, August 3, 2007
my view
This is the view i grew up with. I had a very small bedroom, just big enough for a bed a dresser and a little yellow table my grandmother got me at a garage sale. It had two plastic yellow chairs and i loved it. it was mine...i would often sit at it in front of my window, with the shade up, listening to my little red transister radio, and try to make my own books or draw princesses. I would look at the tree outside and watch the cows in the feild in front of the house...I could sit there for hours and do nothing but look out my window....
Everyone needs a window with some sort of view...i think...or at least i do....But, i think this window and the view contributed to alot of the little details that i see in things, the tiny leaves, the birds, the slant of the road and the necessity of perspective in a drawing....this window taught me a lot...i miss it...
when will it begin?
I have been struggling with what i am supposed to do withmyself as an artist since i graduated college back in 99...yeah, almost tens years....life happens...and to be honest i had a few demons to work out...
Then there is the whole fear thing,,fear of faillure, fear of success, fear of standing still....
I have been trying to figure out this whole mess...figure out where i came from and where I am headed....
I have been taking alot of photos lately, a medium i always loved...inspired by my grandmother who alwasy seemd to have a camera, though i rarely saw her photos....but her home was full of pictures from friendsand oved ones...the walls completely covered....I keep catching myself wanting to capture moments, images, spots, textures, events, days, people...to save them, catalogue them so i won't forget them...there are so many glorious moments....
but back to my point...
i keep wondering when i am going to get up and go?
And if i do, where do i go, how do i begin...it is one thing to sit down adn jot down some pictures, in myart journal, or paint a huge canvas, but where do you go from there...no one is going to buy a canvas yo stick in your closet of under your bed...no one is going to hunt you down if they have no idea who you are...
So, i have been rereadin my business, and art promotion book collection again to remid myself that i am responsible for making the world know me and my work....I am responsible for any shows or feedback i might stir or churcn....i have to get out of my cacoon and make thos esocial conncetions...I have to make myself not be the hermit i could so easily become....and often am...
I have to get out there andbe a social butterfly....and, gasp, make friends....
That is when it will begin...when i take those 6 steps to get to my goal...., now to figure out the goal....
Then there is the whole fear thing,,fear of faillure, fear of success, fear of standing still....
I have been trying to figure out this whole mess...figure out where i came from and where I am headed....
I have been taking alot of photos lately, a medium i always loved...inspired by my grandmother who alwasy seemd to have a camera, though i rarely saw her photos....but her home was full of pictures from friendsand oved ones...the walls completely covered....I keep catching myself wanting to capture moments, images, spots, textures, events, days, people...to save them, catalogue them so i won't forget them...there are so many glorious moments....
but back to my point...
i keep wondering when i am going to get up and go?
And if i do, where do i go, how do i begin...it is one thing to sit down adn jot down some pictures, in myart journal, or paint a huge canvas, but where do you go from there...no one is going to buy a canvas yo stick in your closet of under your bed...no one is going to hunt you down if they have no idea who you are...
So, i have been rereadin my business, and art promotion book collection again to remid myself that i am responsible for making the world know me and my work....I am responsible for any shows or feedback i might stir or churcn....i have to get out of my cacoon and make thos esocial conncetions...I have to make myself not be the hermit i could so easily become....and often am...
I have to get out there andbe a social butterfly....and, gasp, make friends....
That is when it will begin...when i take those 6 steps to get to my goal...., now to figure out the goal....
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